January 8, 2011

Rexerella by Luke E.A. Johnson

       Once upon a time there was a Tyrannosaurus Rex named Rexerella. Rexerella lived under the haughty rule of her evil human stepmother and evil stepsisters who forced Rexerella to do menial tasks with her tiny arms which was very hard for Rexerella.
        One day the King announced he was hosting a ball for his son Prince Charming who had yet to choose a future wife. Excited at the news, Rexerella pleaded with her stepmother to allow her to go but was refused as her cruel guardian said that an “Ugly late Cretaceous period dinosaur would never even be looked at by prince Charming”. The distraught and heartbroken Rexerella stomped off angrily into her room while deep down believing what her stepmother said was true. For the rest of the week Rexerella helped her stepfamily knit together beautiful dresses with her tiny arms while enduring their insults and jeers. The broken Rexerella remained silent and tortured, crying herself to sleep each night up until the day of the ball.
        After her stepfamily left and Rexerella was left sweeping away dust with a comically long broom suddenly her fairy godmother appeared! Her fairy godmother transformed Rexerella’s plain old working dress into a beautiful blue gown. Make up appeared on her scaly face and upon her large clawed feet two glass slippers. Looking into a mirror held up by the fairy godmother, Rexerella was amazed by her new appearance however was warned the illusion would end at the stroke of midnight. Upon hearing what little time she had Rexerella panicked and quickly charged out of the front door trampling over a pumpkin carriage and crushing it into an orange pulpy mess under her glass enforced feet. Rexerella upon seeing the carriage horse, which was now panicking, snapped her dagger teeth into the creature’s neck and thrashed it about mid-air violently killing the poor beast. Dropping the mangled horse Rexerella was quick to tear away large pieces of flesh and bone swallowing them as she did. Rexerella had a long run ahead of her and she needed subsistence for night. When Rexerella was satiated she jerked her head back and roared, sprinting headlong towards the castle. 

       The fairy godmother could only watch in shock as these events unfolded

       As Rexerella barreled through the town roaring with all her might the screaming peasants ran in terror to avoid being crushed under her mighty glass slippers. Finally passing under the castle gates after some time it was soon Rexerella found herself at the entrance to the castle where she cordially entered with a curtsey.

       At this point in the ball the auric prince Charming had found the entire ordeal dreadfully dull. Being buffeted by mindless talk by two evil looking sisters the prince was about leave when he saw her enter: Standing ten feet tall from the hips and forty feet long the beauty was wearing a sweeping blue bloodstained ball gown that shimmered and sparkled as she moved across the floor. Her subtle makeup enhanced her lovely foot long dagger-like smile as she batted her long eyelashes.

       “Yes...” Prince Charming whispered out loud as she watched the beauty elegantly make her way to the snack table. As he began to walk straight towards the exquisite girl, who was now devouring an entire roasted pig, he was blocked by the two evil looking women who had grown louder in their incessant buzzing.
       He punched them both in the face at the same time shutting them up. As he strode past writhing evil women, the entire ball parted as he made his way to snack table.
      “My lady,” Prince Charming said loudly over the crunching of a whole turkey. Rexerella froze and swallowed, turning her head to see the handsome prince Charming in a white suit standing behind her. She backed up reactively knocking over the entire snack table with a crash.  The panicked blushing Rexerella quickly turned her head to the knocked over snack table and back at the Prince Charming completely befuddled at the current situation. She tried to pick up the table but her tiny arms could not reach-
       “Let the peasants take care of that my lady,” Prince Charming said with a dismissive wave. “May I invite this lady to a dance?” He said holding out his white gloved hand. Rexerella stood frozen and speechless as she shakily placed her tiny clawed arm in the Prince’s hand. The prince was quick to firmly, yet tenderly, grasp both her arms as he swept Rexerella to the dance floor.  In moments they became the only two on the dance floor as other dancers were smacked aside by Rexerella’s immense swinging tail.  Soon the entire ball was fixated on the two as they danced.

      “Oh aren’t they lovely dear?” The Queen said beside King sitting upon throne overlooking the ball.


        “Oh don’t be insulting dear. She looks absolutely elegant in that dress. I mean I could not pull off that shade of blue let me tell you…”


        “Oh don’t be silly they are going to make a lovely couple! Don’t they remind you of us back when we first met? Ah it’s so romantic.”

        The King looked at her narrowing his eyes and shaking his head. He stood and walked away while mumbling something about needing a drink.

        The two continued to dance into the night until the bell struck midnight.  Upon hearing the bell and seeing the time Rexerella ran away from the prince and towards the entrance. The Prince ran after her as he shouted desperately for her name.  Rexerella sprinted out of the castle as fast she could while the spell undid itself. In her frantic dash a glass slipper fell off her foot in resounding clatter of glass upon cobblestone. Unable to keep up with Rexerella’s mighty strides the Prince was only left with a giant glass slipper which he had to drag back to the ballroom.

        As the days passed Rexerella returned to her normal life until the news was heard that the Prince was searching the entire kingdom for the enchanting woman who had stolen his heart during the ball and he hoped to find her using the glass slipper she had left behind.  As the stepfamily busied themselves with the prince’s arrival, Rexerella became uncharacteristically joyous at the news. The stepmother seeing this figured out Rexerella was indeed the one at the ball and evilly locked Rexerella in her room as the Prince approached.

       But as the stepfamily went out to greet the prince the unstoppable Rexerella broke down her room door with a mighty charge and subsequently the entire house in a thunderous crash. However Rexerella’s fury was not satiated as she turned her teeth towards her treacherous stepfamily, shearing them into bits and devouring them in pieces as they futilely tried to run.  Their screams of terror and mercy punctuated the chorus of Rexerella’s bloody triumphant roars.

      The Prince looked on excitedly as the carnage unfolded.

      “Hey dad she could be the one!” Charming exclaimed looking back at King inside his kingly carriage.

      The King smacked his palm against his forehead in a constant repetitive motion.

      …And so with Prince Charming pushing on the immense glass slipper with all his might onto Rexerella’s clawed foot the two had finally found each other. Their marriage was joyous one with much rejoicing to be had with the devouring of animals big and small.  Their honeymoon was quite feisty as the entire castle literally shook to the roars of their lovemaking.  They went to explore their realm entirely, hiding in barns from the spring rain and snuggling together for warmth as they watched the last rays of light drip away into the ocean.  Charming rode Rexerella into battle and the two went on to conquer various outlying realms that treated their subjects even more poorly than Charming did. Thusly they were hailed as mighty heroes for doing so and their stories valor and love were retold countless times. There are rumors to be had that they found a witch whose magics allowed Rexerella to bear children with her beloved Prince… however just rumors. But to say least it is sure thing to say they lived happily ever after.


  1. I was going to enter this contest, but this is pretty much the best thing I've ever read in my life. I can't even imagine a way to outdo it. Fantastic job :).

  2. If you are going to shatter a glass slipper and turn the world on its head then this is the way to do it. By making Cinderella larger than life it focuses and emphasis the hidden threads of the tale. Bet it was fun to write.

    Brian Gray